100 Themes Challenge
by Mariel1
Summary: A series of connected one-shots, focusing heavily on Bowser, the Koopalings, and their family and friends.  This is just for fun, and hopefully I can finish it someday.
1. Theme 1: Introduction

"100 Themes Challenge"

_"Author's Note:"__ A lot of these are loosely (or not so loosely) based on RP ideas, and the bits with original characters might be a little hard to follow. Originally, I wasn't going to post anything here until I had completed the challenge, but...well, I don't really know if I will complete it. And that's fine, because there won't be any cliffhangers this time! _

_This will focus mostly on Bowser, the Koopalings, and their family and friends. Pairings include Roy Koopa/Elizabeth Lockheart (OC); Elizabeth Lockheart/David Everett (both OC's); Bowser/Clawdia; Ludwig Von Koopa/Novia Von Koopa, nee Faricot (OC, not mine). More pairings may be added later on, depending on how these go._

_ These will be interconnected, but the timeline will jump around a lot. Rather than posting 100 separate stories, I will group these together into one long group of chapters. Anything that needs explaining will be included in an Author's Note at the beginning of a chapter. Since the timeline won't be followed in a linear manner, there will probably be spoilers and mild confusion, hence the AN's. I will try to avoid plot holes and mistakes, but the bigger the project, the easier it is to miss something. Installments will be written out of order, but the correct theme number will be given at the beginning of each chapter._

_ This will be rated 'T' for language, some violence, and mild adult content._

_ OC warning; contains a shameless self-insertion, which some might consider a 'Mary Sue'. It's just how the character worked out in RP's, and I don't expect everyone to like it that I've included one. Relax, guys; it's just for fun._

_ Finally, everyone knows who the canon Mario characters are. I don't own them, or anything having to do with the Mario franchise. They belong to Nintendo. I'm debating whether or not to include character profiles for my own OC's here, but whether I bother or not will depend on peoples' interest. As it is, I think I'm stretching it with this humongous AN! If I post any character profiles, they'll go on my FFN profile, since I don't think we're supposed to simply post those as a separate chapter or story. IE, I'm covering my butt!_

_ Now, on with the challenge! I hope you enjoy it_.

"Theme 1: Introduction"

"So, dis girl you and Novia want me to meet..." Roy leaned back in his chair and took a long swig of his Koopa Kola, ignoring the straw completely and gulping the soft drink directly from his red plastic cup.

"Yes?" Ludwig Von Koopa peered warily at Roy over the top of his menu. He and his brother were sitting in Roy's favorite pizzeria, waiting for their lunch guests to join them.

"Is she cute?"

Ludwig sighed, putting aside his menu. "I am _not_ a dating service, Roy. I warn you, you are to treat her with respect. She and Novia will be here soon, and you will be on your best behavior. Is that clear?"

Roy smirked at the clipped tone of voice that crept into his brother's speech. Ludwig's slight German accent, which was a hold-over from early childhood when their mother still deigned to show her pretty face around the nursery, had become more pronounced. Not only did Ludwig mean business, he was also avoiding the question.

"Right, right. No playin' grab-tail wit da lunch guest. Got it. So, is she cute or not?" His smirk became a grin when he observed his brother's pained expression.

True to form, Ludwig did not rise to the bait. "I refuse to incriminate myself on the grounds that I would very much prefer to remain in the marital suite, rather than spend my nights on the sofa."

"Ah, c'mon!" laughed Roy, "Your wife ain't even _here_ yet!"

Now it was Ludwig who smirked, shaking his head as he picked up his menu once more. The crown prince adopted a carefully neutral expression as he perused the meager choices that were available to him. When it came to restaurants he was, admittedly, a bit of a snob. He was accustomed to establishments that required one to make a reservation in advance, and a Koopa in a nice tuxedo would seat the guests personally. He liked places with soft Classical music playing in the background, where their waiter would offer them a selection of fine wines to go with their sumptuous meal. He loved being able to open a thick menu with a vast selection of elaborate dishes to choose from. All the better to impress his wife and treat her to an evening befitting a delicate socialite.

What Ludwig got this afternoon was an inexpensive lunch at a hole-in-the-wall pizzeria, so dimly lit that he could barely read the so-called menu. A laminated sheet of yellow paper with typo-ridden print on only one side of it, liberally speckled with bits of tomato sauce, was hardly even a menu in _his_ book.

A juke box at the back of the room blasted loud, obnoxious rock-and-roll music. The waiters were all wearing blue jeans with their generic black work smocks, and at least two of them were chewing gum. The atmosphere was easy and casual, but for a man so used to formality it was hardly comfortable.

'_Not a cloth napkin or a piece of metal silverware in sight..._' Ludwig pursed his lips and scraped a tomato seed off of his menu with a flimsy paper napkin. '_Couldn't he have chosen a nicer place?_'

Ludwig's train of thought was derailed when Roy suddenly did a spit-take. Thankfully, though, the menu had blocked most of the Kola-splatter.

"What the!" Ludwig reared his head back and flicked the menu a few times before making a grab for the napkin holder. "You're disgusting..." He informed his brother, fussily cleaning up the mess and paying special attention to drying his hands. He was too preoccupied to follow Roy's line of sight, otherwise he would have turned to see why the younger Koopa looked so shocked.

"Ludwig!"

A young woman's voice finally snagged Ludwig's attention, and he rose to greet his wife and their new friend. "Novia, liebe!" he smiled as she drew near.

Novia Von Koopa was a vision with her heart-shaped face, blonde hair down to the middle of her back, and a light purple spiked shell. Her facial 'mask' was the same shade of tan as her muzzle, and she was tall and slender. She met her husband's kiss with one of her own, and they greeted each other briefly in German before she moved to stand at his side.

Ludwig then greeted the other woman with much less familiarity, but with just as much warmth. With a very slight bow, he took her hand and gently kissed the knuckles. She gave Novia a quick glance for signs of annoyance, but of course there were none; he was merely being a gentleman. "Ms. Lockheart, it is wonderful to see you again. I am so glad you were able to make it."

Their guest smiled back, shaking her head. "I keep telling you guys to just call me 'Liz', but it's nice to see you too. Novia was just telling me..." She trailed off, and her smile disappeared as if it had never been there at all.

"Mm?" Ludwig frowned at her expression, wondering what was wrong, and turned to see what she was staring at. All Ludwig could see was his brother...

Uh-oh.

Roy Koopa slowly placed his palms flat on the table and stood up, his brow ridges lowering behind his shades in a fierce scowl that his brother knew all too well.

The woman appeared to be human, but Roy knew better. She stood at around 5'10", which was tall for a human female, but standing next to the 6'8" Novia, the girl seemed quite the shrimp. She packed quite a punch, though. Roy had found that out the hard way...

She was neither ugly nor beautiful, and even though her auburn hair almost reached down to the backs of her legs she certainly wouldn't have stood out in a crowd if it wasn't for three little traits that most people didn't notice right away. The gold eyes that used to be dark brown had taken on a cold and impassive look as they glared back at him from behind purple wire-frame glasses. Her fingers, tipped with pale claws, flexed a little as if anticipating a fight. Her lips tightened so that the very tips of her slightly elongated canine teeth peeked through.

Roy gave a measured exhale through his nostrils, spouting twin jets of smoke and filling the air with the faint scent of brimstone. The memory of auburn fur and slashing claws surfaced as a howl echoed in his mind.

"Er..." Ludwig cleared his throat and spoke up, trying to salvage their outing. "Ms.-I'm sorry, Liz, this is my younger brother, Roy Koopa. Roy, this is Elizabeth Lockheart, the new friend I told you about. Since Novia and I have been seeing a lot of her lately, we thought it would be a good idea to introduce her to the family."

Elizabeth Lockheart's glacial stare met Roy Koopa's fiery glower. "We've met." they said flatly in unison, and the restaurant's temperature seemed to drop below freezing.

Ludwig and Novia exchanged a wincing look. Something told them this was going to be a long, awkward lunch!


	2. Theme 22: Mother

"100 Themes Challenge"

"Theme 22: Mother"

"Where's Kamella? I wanna see Kamella! Where is she?" screamed three-year-old Prince Bowser, his little face turning red with fury as he hurled his toys at Kamek.

The Magikoopa advisor (and part-time guardian of the prince) calmly dodged every projectile, raising his voice in order to be heard. "I'm sorry, my prince, but she had to work late, and-"

"Kamellaaaaaaa!" The boy lifted something high above his head, and Kamek's eyes widened in a panic.

"No, Your Highness! Not the Chai Vase!"

**SMASH!**

Kamek groaned, imagining Queen Drucilla's anger if she were to find out. He could mend it, of course. With his magic, he could make it so that she would never know the difference, but he knew that it was a matter of principal. The fact that he had let it happen at all could earn him some time in the dungeon, to say nothing of what would await the prince!

"I want my Kamella story! _Where is she?_" The child gave a petulant stamp of his foot and cast around for something else to throw. Seeing nothing, he decided that some crocodile tears were in order. Flinging himself face-down on his bedroom floor, Prince Bowser kicked and pounded the ground with his fists. "I want it, I want it, I want iiiiit! Waaaaah!"

Such was the racket he made that neither he nor Kamek heard the sound of rapidly-approaching footsteps, and he was startled into silence when this new person announced her presence with a mild scolding. "Well, _really!_"

Baby Bowser gulped back the wail he was about to release, and raised his surprisingly dry eyes to see who had spoken. He gasped happily, seeing his favorite caretaker standing in the doorway. "Kamella!"

The twenty-one-year-old Magikoopa did not look at all amused, however. She was tapping her foot, and her fists were planted squarely on her hips. Teal-gray eyes narrowed forbiddingly behind small oval spectacles, though by the way they twinkled one would suspect she was forcing back a grin.

"Nice timely entrance, dear sister." grumbled Kamek with more than a hint of sarcasm, restoring the shattered vase to its former blue and white hand-painted glory with a wave of his wand.

An arched eyebrow was Kamella's only sign that she had heard him, and she continued to scold the young Dragon Koopaling. "Is that any way to behave?"

The prince's grin dissolved into a quivering pout, and he lowered his head. "Mmm..."

Kamella wasn't able to keep back a fond smile as her severe demeanor lessened. "If you want your bedtime story, you apologize to Kamek and get in that bed." Bowser raised his head, looking hopeful once more, and she pointed imperiously at the bed. "Hurry, now."

Kamek folded his arms as Baby Bowser scrambled to his feet and spat out a less than sincere apology, and watched him burrow beneath the dark green coverlet. Kamella was the only person other than the Queen Mother who could make the brat obey. How, then, was _Kamek_ the one who had to spend the most time with him?

Well, that was an easy one. Kamek had more seniority, and was quite adept at being the little brown-noser. He was sure that this couldn't have been the only reason, but in truth it all amounted to the same thing. The boy preferred Kamella for some odd reason, and Kamek was stuck in his situation.

"I'll handle things from here, Kamek, thank you." said Kamella.

"Oh, he's _all_ yours." Kamek snorted dryly. Of course, he did not dislike the boy, but he was most definitely tired! He bowed to his Prince, more out of habit than anything else, and bade him good-night before teleporting out of the room in a bright cloud of geometrical shapes.

"Yeah, yeah, g'night an' go away." The boy waved a dismissive hand before turning his adoring gaze back to Kamella. "What's my story gonna be?" The bedclothes moved a bit as he wagged his tail.

Kamella was disappointed with Bowser's rude send-off, but she had learned to choose her battles carefully. "Well, let's see..." She came over and sat down on the edge of the bed, and he wasted no time in snuggling close at her side. "How about 'The Eye of the Beholder'?"

"Eew!" He made a face, pinching his nostrils shut. "I _hate_ stupid girly love stories!"

"I happen to _be_ a girl, Your Highness." She informed him, pretending to be offended.

Bowser shook his head. "No you're not, silly, you're Kamella!"

"Well, all right then...What about 'The Three Travellers'?" She suggested.

"Too short." He declared. He was stalling for time, and she knew this.

"Hmm..." Kamella adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her beak, and kept her expression as bland as possible. If she smiled too much, he would take that to mean playtime. "Maybe 'The Loneliest Boo'?"

With a groan that bordered on a growl, Prince Bowser turned over and buried his face in the depths of his pillow. "Boooooriiiiing..."

'_Seems he's going to be difficult tonight..._' Kamella folded her arms, the rich purple fabric of her robes whispering as she shifted. She pondered the situation for a moment, then an idea came to her. "How about a story about...a prince?"

The little boy lifted his head, finally showing some interest in one of her suggestions. "Is the prince's name Bowser?"

"Mm-hmm." Kamella nodded, and after he had cuddled up to her once more she began to tell her story, making it up as she progressed. At first, there were frequent pauses as Prince Bowser interrupted her with a question or a correction; his imagination was quite a bit bigger than _he_ was, and he insisted that her story live up to his expectations.

"But are you _sure_ the prince wouldn't try to talk about it first?" Kamella asked him, hiding the smirk that would give it away that she already knew the answer.

"Uh-uh!" Bowser shook his head, looking up from what he was doing; his head had been resting upon her shoulder, and he had been toying idly with her ruby brooch as he fought to stave off sleepiness. "They shoulda listened when he told 'em to open up. Now he's mad, and he's gonna _bash_ 'em!"

"_Is_ he, now? Well, all right." Kamella nodded dutifully, and continued on with the story.

Bowser yawned widely, not bothering to cover his mouth, and listened quietly now as he lightly ran his thumb over the smooth surface of the brooch's top facet. He could see himself reflected back, his young features taking on a reddish cast in that icy stone. He heaved a contented sigh through his nose, then inhaled again to sample the perfume she always wore. Floral, with a base note of patchouli; a slight odor of potion-making clung to her as well, but it wasn't strong enough to be unpleasant. The little boy liked the smell, and would forever associate it with warmth and comfort.

Kamella's voice had softened to an almost dreamlike monotone as she brought her tale to a close. "And so it came to pass that, on the day he took a bride-_many_ years in the future, when he had, for the most part, put away childish things-that the prince became a strong and mighty king. The end...or is it?"

"Mmh..." Prince Bowser smiled groggily. "I liked that one. 'Cept for when he marries an icky _girl_."

Kamella smiled and wasn't offended; he was only three, after all. "Are you ready to dream about your adventures?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded, yawning again and rubbing his eyes with his small, chubby fists.

She tucked him in well, and on impulse she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. As she was turning to go, he mumbled sleepily, "G'night, Mama..."

Kamella felt her heart give a peculiar, icy flutter in her chest before it turned over and melted warmly. When she found her voice, she whispered back, "Good night, little prince..."

After the deaths of her husband and her own small son, which had occurred a mere two years ago, Kamella had thought it would be impossible to feel anything like that again.


	3. Theme 76: Broken Pieces

"100 Themes Challenge"

_Author's Note:__ Ludwig, Lemmy, and Roy are little kids at this point, and Iggy is still in the egg. Bowser has yet to make a habit of kidnapping Princess Peach. Oh, and just giving fair warning; Bowser drops the F-bomb in this chapter. I think that pretty much covers everything._

"Theme 76: Broken Pieces"

Bowser watched from the doorway of their bedroom as Clawdia packed for a trip, his eyes narrowing dangerously. She was unaware that anyone was watching her, and she was muttering to herself in German. Before announcing his presence, he wanted to be absolutely sure that the red-hot coal that smoldered in his chest would not erupt into an inferno of rage and pain. For, in spite of the way she had treated him during the past few years, he still loved her.

This was not the first time his wife and Queen had taken off without warning, but this was the first time he had caught her in the act red-handed. The first time was about four years ago when Ludwig, their firstborn, had been depriving her of sleep while teething. Even though Bowser was usually the one to get up and care for the boy, Clawdia had still disappeared like a thief in the night without leaving so much as a note. She had returned days later, of course, but not before her stressed and despondent husband had cracked. After three solid hours of enduring his son's pain-filled wailing, Bowser had broken down and cried right along with him. When Clawdia had finally returned, she had nonchalantly strolled in as if returning from the market.

That had only been the first time, and he still had no idea where she went or why she even bothered to come back at all. Clearly, if she kept leaving, she disliked marriage enough to want to take a break from it. What he _did _know was that every time she left, she stayed away longer. Ludwig didn't cry anymore when it happened, but the younger two didn't understand yet. Lemmy, who was two-and-a-half, still screamed for her when she was gone. Roy, who was only one, screamed too...but it was probably only in response to his brother's cries.

The new one, whichever sex it would turn out to be, was still growing inside the newest egg, which had only been laid a week ago. Smoke curled from Bowser's nostrils at the thought of his wife turning her back on their newest egg before even seeing their child hatch from it, but he still didn't move from his spot.

At least, he didn't move until Clawdia strode over to his dresser and began rummaging through his drawers, probably in search of money in case he put a freeze on his private accounts again. She had access to the treasury, but who has the time or patience to lug heavy bags of gold around? And Clawdia was not known for patience when there was something she desired.

"Looking for something?" growled Bowser, stepping into the room and closing the door ominously behind him.

Clawdia was so engrossed in what she was doing that she gave a small yelp of surprise, then fidgeted guiltily. "I need you to lend me some money, that is all."

"_Do_ you, now?" he sneered, hiding his pain behind a mask of anger. "Why?"

She planted her fists firmly on her hips, and defiantly tossed her mane of long blue hair. "Why the tone? I'm just going on a little trip."

A little trip...Bowser turned and looked at her huge pile of luggage, then shook his head. "I see. So, you have to pack most of your wardrobe for 'a little trip'. And why-hey!"

Clawdia had opened his top dresser drawer, and was in the process of tossing his boxer shorts over her shoulder, one pair at a time. He came over and slammed the drawer shut, and she got her hands out of the way _just_ in time. "_Bowser!_"

"_Don't_ lie to me." he ground out in a low voice, "You're taking off again, aren't you?"

Clawdia drew herself up to her full height, but she was still more than a foot-and-a-half shorter than her husband; petite, by Dragon Koopa standards. "I am _going_ on a _trip!_" she slowly enunciated every word, as if she were addressing a fool. "You've never tried to stop me before."

"That's because I've never _caught_ you before!" he roared, his claws digging gouges in the varnished wooden top of his dresser as he leaned on it. "So, how long are you staying away_ this_ time?"

Clawdia silently glared up at him, refusing to answer.

Trying another tactic, Bowser leaned in closer and growled, "You're not going!"

His posturing did not have the desired effect. Far from being intimidated, Clawdia was amused, and it showed in her sardonic smile. "Am I a prisoner, then?"

He audibly gritted his fangs. Never in their short, five-year marriage had he raised his hand to her, tempting though it sometimes was, and he wasn't about to start now. Instead, he turned away from her and began picking up his underwear. He heaved a deep sigh, and the fight seemed to just pour right out of him.

"Well?" she prompted, when the silence had begun to be uncomfortable.

"'Well' what?" he grumbled.

"Are you going to lend me some money, or aren't you?" she asked, exasperated.

"No," he said, not looking at her. He shouldered his way past her and put his boxers back in his dresser without bothering to fold them. It was his own misfortune to be the only one in this arranged match to fall in love. He knew she didn't like him very much...but he couldn't understand how she could do this to their children. Damn it, _they _hadn't done anything wrong! "So, what should I tell the kids _this_ time?"

Clawdia was disappointed that she would actually have to dip into her own private account, and her reply was sullen and waspish. "You're always boasting about your own cleverness, aren't you? Figure something out."

When Bowser only snorted and shook his head, keeping his back to her, she resumed her packing in silence. She was just buckling the last suitcase shut when he asked her something else. She cupped a hand behind her ear-hole, and inquired sweetly, "_Wie bitte?_"

Bowser kept his shell to her and raised his voice a little, the better to be heard, "What's his name?"

"Oh, _Bowser_..." she rolled her eyes and went back to what she was doing.

"No, I wanna know. I can't think of any other reason for this, so there's gotta be someone else on the side." His claws dug into the wood again, both hands this time, as he wrestled with his temper.

"_You_ are being _ridiculous!_ Just because I need a little break from snotty noses and-and sticky fingers, and-"

Bowser cut her off in mid-sentence, and demanded in a loud roar that shook with anguish, "_What's his fucking __**name?**_"

Clawdia finally saw that her husband wasn't nearly as brainless as she had made him out to be, and that she had better make her exit now, while he was more hurt than angry. "There _is_ no one else. I swear it. I just need a break, and I _will_ be back. Now, stop this foolishness and help me take my luggage down."

Bowser snorted again, and kept his now-damp face turned away from her. He would not show any weakness, knowing instinctively that she would remember and exploit it later. "_You're_ the one who's leaving. Take it down yourself!"

She didn't argue with him, but she didn't take her luggage down either. She left the room and sent a servant back to retrieve her cases, and the poor frightened Troopa found the luggage sitting outside of the room. From behind the closed door, he heard a heartbroken roar and the thunderous crash of a large oaken dresser being hurled across the room.


	4. Theme 10: Breathe

"100 Themes Challenge"

_Author's Note:__ Morton Koopa Jr. has a cold. Iggy suggests a neti pot. Hilarity ensues. Language._

"Theme 10: Breathe"

"Wait, lemme get this straight," Morton Koopa Jr. pressed his palms together as if he were praying, and held them up to his lips as he suspiciously regarded his skinny, green-haired brother. "I'm sick as a dog. Okay? My eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of their sockets from all the sinus pressure I got. You follow me?"

"Yup," Iggy smirked, holding a small cardboard box in his claws. Sick as he was, Morton still loved the sound of his own voice.

"And you want me to stick a _teapot_ up my nose?" He linked his big fingers loosely together, and let his folded hands dangle between his knees as he leaned forward in his armchair. The icepack on his head fell to the floor, but he ignored it.

Iggy held up the box, showing it to his brother and reading the back of it. "A _neti _pot, actually."

Morton feigned intense interest. "_Oh,_ a _neti_ pot!"

Grinning happily, Iggy nodded his head vigorously and tapped the box. "Yeah, see, what you do is-what? Hey!"

Morton had heard enough and _had_ enough. He turned his older, smaller brother around and began to propel him out the door. "Get out of my room, Iggy."

Iggy twisted free, and stood his ground. "No, really! I read about these things. They flush out your sinuses!"

Wincing, Morton put a large brown hand to his head. "Not so _loud,_ poindexter..."

"Sorry. Listen, do you want to breathe or not? Because I still have the receipt. Or I might just keep it. You know? Use it as a pen jar or someth-"

"Oh, gimme that..." Morton grumped, snatching the box and holding it close to his face so that he could see the label. He squinted, held it further away from his face, then sighed. "Can't get my eyes to focus. Must be the cough syrup."

"No problem," Iggy took back the package and opened it. "I'll read them to you, and you'll have no trouble."

No trouble...Somehow Morton doubted that, but he was desperate enough to try almost anything. "Fine...What do I have to do?"

Iggy withdrew from the box an object that _looked_ a bit like a white ceramic teapot. The shape was all wrong, though. "Here, take this for a minute." He adjusted his glasses, and began to read.

Morton curled his lip a bit as he took it. "Looks like Aladdin's fuckin' _lamp_..." This statement made Iggy crack up so badly that his brother lost patience with him and lightly smacked his head. "Focus! I don't have all day...Well, actually, I do. I'm too sick to do anything around the castle." He punctuated this statement with a disgusting, gurgly sniffle.

Iggy rubbed his forehead where Morton had slapped him and headed for his brother's bathroom, picking his way through the debris that littered the floor. He picked something up. "What's this?"

They both regarded the object before exclaiming in disgust. "I don't remember ordering pizza with green mold..."

Iggy made a face. "Maybe if you'd pick up after yourself once in a while..."

Roy Koopa, who had been passing by and heard them talking, let himself into the room. "You two sound like an old married couple. What's goin' on in here? What's that _smell?_"

Morton shrugged. "I don't smell anything."

"Of course you don't," Iggy told him, "You're still stopped up! Hey! Hehe...Eat the pizza, Morton. Penicillin! Clear your cold right up!"

Morton cocked back a fist and made as if to punch Iggy, but let his arm fall to his side again with a sigh. "Ah, it's not worth it. We gonna do this, or not?"

"Do I wanna know?" Roy lifted a brow ridge, wondering what Iggy had talked Morton into this time, and whether or not it was worth taping. The last time Iggy had persuaded their chatterbox brother to do something, Morton had gotten his fist stuck in his mouth and required Kamek's help to remove it. When Iggy explained the function of a neti pot, Roy threw back his head and roared with laughter. "Now, this I gotta see!"

Morton glowered. "You're not taping this, Bully. You know why? Because I know who broke King Dad's new throne, and it's worth an ass-kicking to keep this off of KoopTube!"

Roy grabbed Morton by the front of his red pajamas. "You're not tellin' _nobody _about _nuthin'!_"

"Guys, _could we?_ I've got something on a bunsen burner, and I can't remember whether I turned it off or not, so..." Iggy had not left anything cooking in his lab, but his statement had the desired effect. Both of his brothers immediately shut up, and since both of them were secretly afraid to approach the lab there was no danger of them verifying the truth of this. The two large Dragon Koopas sulkily followed him into the bathroom, Morton looking dubiously at the neti pot, and Roy looking straight ahead with folded arms.

Roy closed the lid of the toilet, and sat down on it to watch the fun. He was smirking again. Morton Jr. stood in front of the sink, looking like he was beginning to regret this.

Iggy took one of the packets from the box, and read aloud, "Step number one...Empty the contents of one packet into the neti pot."

Narrowing his eyes a bit, Morton took the packet and tore it open, spilling half of it into the sink. Roy began to snicker. "Shut up, Bully..." he muttered, emptying the rest of it into the pot.

"I don't think that little bit matters, Morton," Iggy sounded like he was stifling laughter. "Step number two...Fill the pot to the line with clean tap water known to meet drinking water standards, bottled drinking water, or distilled water. Step number three...Stir thoroughly until dry ingredients have dissolved."

Filling the neti pot with water was easy enough, but Morton frowned at the third step. "Got a spoon?"

"Just use your finger!" Roy said scornfully. "You've been blowing your nose all day, and that's where it's going anyway!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Morton stirred the water with his finger, feeling extremely silly. And he hadn't even gotten to the 'fun' part yet. "Stop laughing, Roy, or I'm gonna pop you one."

"Love to see ya try!"

"Okay, what you're gonna do is...Roy, stop, you're making _me_ laugh!" Iggy chortled before clearing his throat. "Ahem...yeah...lean over the sink."

Morton sighed, and did as he was told. "Like this?"

"Ha! Yeah. Now...Roy, I'm _serious!_" Iggy threw a towel at Roy, who caught it effortlessly.

"I'm just picturing it!" Roy gasped, slapping his knee.

Morton straightened up, and pointed at Roy. "Knock it off, or get out! I'm _so_ not kidding!"

The pink-skulled, purple-shelled Koopa must have been in an extremely mellow mood, because he didn't charge at Morton for that offense. Instead he shook his head, and sighed. "Hooo...Okay, okay."

After a long, mistrustful stare, Morton leaned over the sink again. "Okay, now what?"

Iggy cleared his throat again. "Gently insert the spout into your right nostril so that it forms a comfortable seal."

"'Comfortable' my ass..." grumbled Morton, but he did as he was told.

Iggy bit his lip. Poor Morton! "Okay, tilt your head so that your right nostril is above your left, but your forehead is above your chin."

"Wait, what?"

"Like this," said Iggy, demonstrating by tilting his own head, and holding his right hand up as if holding a neti pot.

Roy sputtered a raspberry as he held back laughter, but for the most part he was behaving himself.

"Okay, okay..." Morton shook his head before tilting it. "Can't believe I'm about to do this..."

"Now, you don't want to snort it back. Keep your mouth open, and tilt the pot so that the solution enters your right nostril. If you do it right, the water should come out your left nostril and fall into the sink." Iggy told him.

"If you're having me on, I'm kicking your ass..." warned Morton.

"I'm _not!_ Just do it already, before my lab blows up."

So, Morton did as he was told. He immediately gagged, and spat water into the sink. "It's goin' down the back of my _throat,_ Iggy!"

This was too much for Roy, and he began to snicker.

Iggy made more of an effort to keep from laughing, though it was difficult. "You're not leaning over far enough. And try pressing the back of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, like you're making the 'K' sound. It'll close your soft palate."

"Oh _man!_" Roy shook his head, still snickering. "You _sure_ I can't tape this?"

"Up yours, Roy..." countered Morton, trying again to follow Iggy's instructions. This time it actually worked, and water began to trickle out of his left nostril. "Ugh, it's _vile!_" he groaned before choking a bit and leaning over to snort water into the sink.

"Well, don't try to _talk_ while you're doing it!" Iggy was laughing now, too.

"How much of this stuff to I have to..." Morton, for once, was at a loss for words. He simply held up the neti pot raised his brow ridges.

"All of it." Iggy's voice was high with restrained giggles. Roy was red in the face, and the cramped space of the bathroom made his guffaws echo.

Morton shook his head at them, and bent to resume. He would have quit then and there, but he did notice that it was a little easier to breathe through his nose. Besides, if he backed out of it now, they would make fun of him. His manhood was at stake here! He resisted the urge to fight the water as it passed through his sinuses; it reminded him of when water would go up his nose in the pool. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't pleasant either. He put the pot aside for a moment and grabbed some toilet paper from the roll, blowing his nose.

"Come on, you're two thirds of the way done," Iggy said encouragingly, patting his brother's shell.

"This feels _so_ weird..." complained Morton as he leaned over the sink again.

It was at that moment that all three of them heard their father's deep, booming voice from the bathroom doorway. "What the _hell..._?"

Morton's eyes flicked to the door, and he imagined how he must look; leaning over the sink, head tilted to one side, pouring saline through one nostril and out the other. He promptly dropped the pot in the sink and burst out laughing before a coughing fit gripped him. Then all three brothers were laughing, the sound punctuated by intermittent coughing.

King Bowser, who had stopped by to check on his third-youngest son, just shook his head and walked out. "I don't wanna know..."


	5. Theme 21: War

"100 Themes Challenge"

_Author's Note:__ I found out not too long ago that the Koopalings are officially _not_ Bowser's children. I will continue to write these stories as if they were, because that's what I grew up knowing. To be honest, I don't even think about it when I'm playing the games. Just when I'm writing fanfics, where it isn't canon anyway. This one takes place just before the events of "New Super Mario Bros. Wii". Enjoy!~_

"Theme 21: War"

"Whaddaya mean you wanna 'change our orders'?" demanded Roy Koopa, glowering at his father from behind his shades.

Bowser, King of the Koopas, fixed his third-eldest child with a stern, red-eyed glare and folded his arms. "You heard me. Some of you are going out in a different order. Our actions are getting too easy to predict, and _some_ of you are getting way too comfortable."

Ludwig inspected his claws with half-lidded eyes, and seemed to be trying very hard not to yawn. He didn't particularly care which castle his father made him defend, and since Bowser was apt to get his own way in any case, this meeting struck him as being a waste of time. "Roy, it is not as if we've always fought in the same order."

"That's true!" chirped Lemmy, who had been doing a hand-stand on his giant rubber ball. He now flipped so that he was standing on one foot. "Ludwig fought after me, once."

"Big deal!" Morton Jr rolled his eyes. "_One_ time out of how many others? And how come 'diaper baby' here gets more than one airship battle when we don't get any?" He pointed at Bowser Jr, who smugly lifted his chin.

"But that's not _faaaaaiiiiir!_" Wendy complained, stamping one foot. There was an echoing 'click!' as her high-heeled pump came down on the stone floor. "Daddykins, I want to have the water castle! _Please_ don't make me take the sand castle!"

The places these castles were in surely had names, but for the sake of simplicity Bowser had taken to calling them 'World 1', 'World 2', and so on. They weren't actually worlds at all, but everyone was so used to using the term that it became second nature to them.

Smiling indulgently at his only female child, Bowser patted her patronizingly on her bald head. "Of course you can have the water castle. Ludwig, I'm counting on you to defend the seventh castle."

"As you wish, Father. May I repair to my music room?"

"Huh?" Bowser scratched his head, squinting one eye. "Did someone trash it?"

Ludwig fought the urge to roll his eyes. "No, it's intact. May I go there? Is my part in this meeting concluded? I am finding all of this to be rather tedious, and I know my appointed task."

"Oh. Yeah, sure." Bowser flapped a dismissive hand, and turned to Larry. "Son, you've got the first castle. Stop picking your nose, that's gross."

Larry whipped his hands behind his shell, trying to look innocent, but when Bowser Jr broke into snickers he lost it and began to giggle himself. Without bothering to tell them off, Bowser turned then to Morton Jr.

"Mort, you're a good fit for castle six. Make me proud!"

"That's the rock one, right?" Morton asked, looking ready to follow Ludwig's example and make his getaway.

"Like, _duh!_" jeered Wendy, as if keeping all of these castles straight was child's play. For her part, though, the only one she cared about was in the water world.

Now Bowser looked at his fourth child, whose recent growth spurt had made him tall and lanky. Iggy and Lemmy used to be able to pass themselves off as twins, and Iggy had even dyed his hair in rainbow hues to match his older brother more closely. Now that they were older and their height difference was significant, Iggy had decided to stick to his natural hair color, which was a bright lime green to match his shell. "Iggy...You're always working with the piranha plants. I'm giving you castle five." He was referring to the land that was made up almost entirely of jungle. "Don't disappoint me!"

Iggy cackled gleefully, rubbing his hands together. "I can't wait to see what my new Chain Chomp can do!"

As positions were handed out and Roy was passed over every time, he felt his fuse beginning to grow short. When he saw that only he and Lemmy remained, and that they were going to be in two of the earlier (and easier) castles, he lost his temper. "Pop, this just ain't gonna work! Can't we go in order from youngest to oldest, like the first time you let us all fight?"

"Sure, we all saw how well _that_ turned out." grumbled Morton, "We got our shells handed to us, and Mario made off with Princess Peach for...what, the umpteenth time?"

If they had been paying attention, they would have noticed the smoke that was beginning to emerge from Bowser's nostrils.

Lemmy sat down on his giant ball, somehow managing to keep it from rolling and dumping him off. "I don't really care where I go. I'm just glad to get out of the castle."

"You're too damn easy to please." Roy shot back, then said to Bowser, "I think I oughta get 'World 6'! All those mountains and cliffs would be nice for a change."

"Oh, what do _you_ care?" Wendy demanded, snidely, "You'll be confined to a castle, so you can forget about touring the landscape!"

"Says the one who whined, 'Daddykins, I want to'-"

"_**Enough!**_" Bowser roared loudly enough to shake the stone foundation, and all of his children present, even Bowser Jr, snapped to attention. "_I'm_ the King here, got it? We're doing things a little differently this time around!"

"Yeah, not _that _differently..." mumbled Roy, folding his arms in a gesture that strongly mirrored his father's, "You're still doing the whole 'lava castle and bridge' thing."

King Bowser narrowed his eyes. "All right, that's it. Roy, you're in the 'sand castle' this time around."

"But-"

"I don't wanna hear it." Bowser cut him off, then pointed at Lemmy. "That only leaves you. You've got 'World 3'."

"Awesome! I wonder if I have time to learn how to ice skate..."

"Oh, who cares..." Roy sulked.

"The subject is closed. Now scat! I still have preparations to make." With much grumbling and a little excited chatter, they all filed out and went about their business. When they were out of earshot, he gave a low chuckle and shook his head. Roy wasn't exactly being punished, but he had been getting a little too big for his britches lately, as teenagers were known to do. Besides, if he was angry enough to be stuck with the castle he had, he would probably put up a better fight and give Mario a clobbering to remember! Yes...Princess Peach was in for _quite_ a birthday surprise.


End file.
